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Well. At least now I know my sense of smell has greatly recovered. I smelled a fire a full minute before the alarm right next to it in a closed room went off. From another room.
Alexandrovich worked in cyber-threat intelligence and active defense; took part in shaping Israel’s cyber policy and in international forums; and advised various government bodies.
Spent a lovely weekend with my lifelong friend, attending both an MCR and Linkin Park concert. But as usual, when getting filled in on the finer details of her life, I remain increasingly concerned about her husband. For all I write about the dangers of men, it was my super libfem older sister who asked me the obvious question today: "Does he even like her as a person?"
I don't think I'm being biased in saying my friend is fairly brilliant. She meandered a bit in her twenties at a job she did not like but after joining the military and getting specialized schooling seems to be a standout in whatever she does. Her husband is newly ex-military, flunked out of college twice, and each time we meet up (around 3 times a year) he has a new career endeavor. Each endeavor shares the following similarities:
1. They must move to somewhere that is both obscure and far away for him to take the job. 2. She must quit her own specialized military job and grad school to make the move. 3. It's something comparatively low level and lower paying than what she does, usually some kind of security guard.
Luckily so far everything has fallen through for him but on our recent meeting she came in with a complaint about her life which she usually doesn't have. The husband hosts a DnD group every couple weeks. She prepares and/or orders in food for everyone. The guests make a spectacular mess of the house. She takes it upon herself to clean it up. She hates this and also doesn't have the free time to keep participating in these long DnD sessions without assistance from other people.
In addition to that, she asked me how to make chicken. She has been a vegetarian her entire life so you can imagine my surprise. Apparently she bought a rotisserie chicken from the store for the husband but him spitting it out and making commentary on how it was dry apparently impacted her so much she is now fretting about how to cook chicken on her own for him... someone who historically doesn't even physically touch meat.
Did I mention they have guns stored all over the house?
I know my views on males at large are considered extreme by the general population. But if I loved someone, I wouldn't keep coming up with these scenarios that would require her putting her entire life on hold, having her clean up after my friends, or spitting out food she got me as a thoughtful gesture.
@GalacticTurtleThose are quite a lot of red flags on one man. Don't your friend notice the negative changes brought by her husband? Or does she insist that he still cares about her?
@VivianHsiaoFor the job stuff she insists she doesn’t care about her own job, she just wants to finish two years at her current one ideally for resume purposes. Before he proposed to her, she described her job as the best thing ever.
She’s definitely frustrated by the DnD which is new for her but didn’t take kindly to me saying the husband can make his own chicken. She then sites the guys she works with in the military who treat their wives terribly and how “if that happened to me I’d end it right away.” She sees no connection between those experiences and hers.
@GalacticTurtleYour poor friend, and poor you for having to watch the inevitable play out.
Everything you point to as a flag, most definitely is, especially the big moving plans that subsequently don't happen... Thats keeping your friend in a state of hyper vigilance because even talking about moving is stressful. She migh't even realise she's been tenderised like this.
And I also see the D&D as a bit of a worry. Don't get me wrong, I love my dice rolling and miniatures, but it's an immersive experience and those with cluster BS and related disorders mental health disorders often use immersive fantasy as a means of detaching. Those adults with full and busy lives do not dedicate an long night each week to it.
I take it man child hasn't locked her in with kids yet? Because that'll be a real danger zone as from what you've said he's not going to put her and a baby first and he'll not enjoy it when she invevitably does.
And I hate to ask this, but does her milarty training mean she's a better shot than him, better weapons handling experience etc etc? Would he be jealous of her in this respect? I don't object to gun ownership in principal but multiply in the house would worry me. When my ex went crazy the first thing I did was move out bow and arrow to the attic.
@FeartnTired @GalacticTurtleBut if course its easy for us to comment as the Greek chorus with the clarity of distance.
Does you friend have a sister Turtle? I've found the intervention of a straight talking sister who doesn't give af about ruining a friendship to be invaluable.
@Lady_Penelope @FeartnTiredNo she’s an only child. So far I’ve mostly been in question asking mode around her as any direct criticism gets me running into a brick wall.
Historically I don’t get any details about her boyfriends because she knows I’ll probably jump to “he sucks, break up with him.”
They had a courthouse marriage last year as the guy was supposedly in a rush to get married for paperwork purposes for a government job he ended up not getting. Now I’m the maid of honor for her actual wedding next year so we are talking and meeting up more than in previous years. Maybe that’s why she voiced frustration about the DnD thing and I was hesitant to go straight in for the “stop putting up with that your husband is red flag central” feedback.
@BlackgendermoderateHa! Honestly something in between is probably what is best. I get cold feet as I don’t want her to cut me out of her life which she is more prone to do as her politics become more severe.
@GalacticTurtleYou're a good friend. That's all you can do. Also probably a better friend than me. I'd be like, "your husband's a gross dangerous loser and if you don't see it, fuck you. Ugh! Stop being dumb." Very productive, you see./s
@GalacticTurtleOh, Turtle 😱 this is just awful! I don't blame you one bit for being worried, I would be too, hell, I don't even know her and I am.
This is so many 🚩 that it beggars belief. What a nightmare, and there really isn't much you can do either, except hope they divorce or he dies, because so often women who get into these situations just do not see it or listen to advice. If she did suddenly think screw this and leave him then it would be terrific. God, I loathe men like this so much, he is an abusive fucker and I would have rammed that chicken so far up his arse he would be growing feathers out his ears for all eternity.
I have a friend who married a bastard, she has a history of older/horrible men. He's on his way out now though, and I will not be a hypocrite and say I'm sorry about it. Other friend and I always referred to him as Foul Ole Ron, from Terry Pratchett. Dreadful man, can't stand him.
If a friend, family member, colleague or neighbour confides in you that they are experiencing domestic abuse, we have some advice to help you support them.
@RadicalCartoons @HebrideanHecateThank you for the resource! The tricky thing with these friends and others in my life who have eventually found themselves in unhappy home situations is that it has never been so cut and dry as "Bob is beating the shit out of me, what do I do?" But rather, I'm aware they have certain life goals, but upon meeting Bob, those goals magically change overnight. They insist that this change is one they have their whole hearts behind, but in reality, it's just Bob's interests and goals replacing their own interests and goals. And it just deteriorates from there. My one friend packed her bags one evening and left in a hurry, which was ultimately the best option for her, but it's not something I want to relive again. I really think she got lucky, seeing as the retaliation on his part was rather limited. They certainly didn't have guns stored all over the house. And they lived in Los Angeles, not some field in New Jersey.
How dark are you willing to go? Inconsolable since the death of his wife, Karsh, a prominent businessman, invents a revolutionary and controversial technology that enables the living to monitor their dear departed in their shrouds. One night, multiple graves, including that of Karsh’s wife, are desecrated, and he sets out to track down the perpetrators.
How dark are you willing to go?
Inconsolable since the death of his wife, Karsh, a prominent businessman, invents a revolutionary and controversial technology that enables the living to monitor their dear departed in their shrouds. One night, multi
After 9 years of loyal service, K-9 Indy finally takes a well-deserved retirement. from chasing down criminals to protecting the community, this brave hero l...
HAVANA, Cuba, August 15 (ACN) Cuban foreign minister Bruno Rodriguez Parrilla criticized today the systematic actions carried out by the State of Israel against the Palestinian population and warned that this genocide must end.
CIA spymaster James Angleton shaped the US-Israeli relationship in secrecy. Newly unredacted files shed light on his wanton betrayal of his country to assist Israel’s theft of US nuclear material and global spying operations.
Veteran CIA counterintelligence chief James Angleton secretly oversaw a top-level spy ring involving Jewish émigrés and Israeli operatives without “any clearances” from Congress or Langley itself, according to recently declassified documents published as part of the Trump administration’s pledge to disclose all available information on the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.
The files provide a fresh and often disturbing look at a spy described by historian Jefferson Morley as “a leading architect of America’s strategic relationship with Israel,” detailing Angleton’s role in transforming the Mossad into a fearsome agency with global reach, while assisting Israel’s theft of US nuclear material and protecting Zionist terrorists.
Round Up: Everything Announced At The 2025 Pokémon World Championships Closing Ceremony
Updates for Legends, Champions and much more!The Pokémon Company president and CEO Tsunekazu Ishiharamade an appearance at this year's closing ceremony announcing the following news:Pokémon GO - Eternatus will be appearing in the Anaheim area, trainers in this location will be among first in the world to try an Eternamax battle.
You can submit war crimes evidence in Gaza directly to the International Criminal Court (ICC) via OTPLink (otplink.icc-cpi.int). The UN Human Rights Office (complaints.ohchr.org/Home) also accepts reports.
Don't assume somebody else already did. Especially if they come from smaller accounts.
Tip: keep files unaltered (metadata intact), use secure submission, and consider sending to multiple channels.
Oborne makes a series of important points that illustrate why the BBC’s slanted, Israel-friendly news agenda amounts to genocide denial, and means executives like Burgess are directly complicit in Israeli war crimes: dorseteye.com/why-bbc-editors-…
In a confrontation with BBC news chief Richard Burgess, journalist Peter Oborne sets out six ways the state broadcaster has wilfully misled audiences on Israel’s destruction of Gaza Veteran journalist Peter Oborne eviscerated the BBC this week over i…
The BBC has never mentioned the Hannibal directive, invoked by Israel on 7 October 2023, that green-lit the murder of Israeli soldiers and civilians, often by Apache helicopter fire, to prevent them being taken captive by Hamas. The Israeli media has extensively reported on the role of the Hannibal directive in the Israeli military’s response on 7 October, but that coverage has been completely ignored by the BBC and most UK media outlets. dorseteye.com/why-bbc-editors-…
In a confrontation with BBC news chief Richard Burgess, journalist Peter Oborne sets out six ways the state broadcaster has wilfully misled audiences on Israel’s destruction of Gaza Veteran journalist Peter Oborne eviscerated the BBC this week over i…
Israel’s invocation of the Hannibal directive – essential context for understanding what happened on 7 October – explains much of the destruction that day in Israel usually attributed to Hamas “barbarism”, such as the graveyard of burnt-out, crumpled cars and the charred, crumbling remains of houses in communities near Gaza.
Hamas, with its light weapons, did not have the ability to inflict this kind of damage on Israel, and we know from Israeli witnesses, video footage and admissions from Israeli military officers that Israel was responsible for at least a share of the carnage that day. How much we will apparently never know because Israel is not willing to investigate itself, and media like the BBC are not doing any investigations themselves, or putting any pressure on Israel to do so. dorseteye.com/why-bbc-editors-…
In a confrontation with BBC news chief Richard Burgess, journalist Peter Oborne sets out six ways the state broadcaster has wilfully misled audiences on Israel’s destruction of Gaza Veteran journalist Peter Oborne eviscerated the BBC this week over i…
It's been a very long time since I played Payday 2 so you gotta tell me how it holds up. One of the reasons I liked [game redacted] was because it hit the same highs as PD2 but without being so damned autistic about the skill trees and meta grind
good grief watching you scroll through the perk deck and see pages of "You get 5% more racism and 10% speed in saying nigger" makes me certain I'm not reinstalling this crap.
@Basedshibe honestly I hadn't even looked at it since before they added any other heisters so the grind and DLC shit was way less egregious when I played but also I wasn't sure if they had improved it.
@Basedshibe now if you want bro-op shooters, the best on the market is Deep Rock Galactic and it isn't close. L4D2 still holds up. I honestly liked Payday 1 way more than 2 because it was focused more on cooler bigger maps (the newbie bank in PD1 is a two story bank like from the Batman movie while PD2 is the corner store supermarket bank. Felt like the biggest downgrade) without the autistic perks and silly stealth dichotomy. But don't take that as a hard recommendation as its been 15 years since I have even thought about PD1. [Game redacted] wasn't just a meme it literally was worth the time we put in it sadly and it is hard to find a crimegame that I would call better.
And of course your viewers should have a vote too after all not just my autism
Well guys, @Wiz was not entirely retarded on the posting webp thing, misskey is retarded and forces compression to webp regardless of your compression settings if the image is larger than 2048x2048. Fixed for now though.
Took Ryoma's fiancee (self-proclaimed) on a mission and she did a combo attack with me where I shot an anti-shogunate dude in the stomach and she moved in and cut his head off with her naginata. I see why Ryoma runs the other direction when she appears
Chris Hansen "investigating" (lol) roblox's banning of a pedo hunter is like the peak of turning CSA into pure spectacle. nothin's fuckin real anymore man
Mega Evolution in Pocket, new Legends Z-A modes, and more revealed at Pokémon World Championships 2025
Mega Evolution comes to TCG Pocket in a special set coming this fall, but didn't give many details on the reveal, only showing off a few new cards. For Pokémon Unite, Empoleon, Dhelmise, and Vaporeon were revealed as the following playable characters that'll be added to the game over time. Eternatus makes its debut at ...
Y'know, I've done a lot of fairy posting for Fridays and such but I don't think I've ever sat down to attempt to say why I like the fairies so much. This track and video put that thought in my mind and ended up making me want to make a short post for it.
I think Touhou has my favorite interpretation of fairies. It's definitely what drives me to them, they're kind of unique and it makes them fun to watch and admire. For one, fairy isn't a race of youkai or such, they're genuinely nature incarnate. However they also aren't emotionless like nature can often be.
The girls are drawn to pranks and silly teasing because that's how nature is. Just as a tree branch can fall down and end up tripping someone, or a storm can roll in while an unprepared bystander gets soaked. Yet they're never going too far, they have limits and don't like seeing death or anything either. Watching someone fall down or get lost is enough for them. There's a fine balance struck between being mischievous creatures and humane nature I really like. They're petty, they do dumb shit, but you can never blame them for it. Lovable creatures from start to finish.
A side note, I also love the mob fairies and additional Daiyousei because of this depiction method. Rarely do those girls ever get much attention however they're enjoyable in their own rights. The unnamed fairies are equally as much of fun loving girls going around.
youtube.com/watch?v=IJok3x5zKS… This track is so odd for a Diao Ye Zong track. It's not a solemn tone nor trying to be overly fancy. Pure energy as the fairies are obtaining punishment for their actions. It does have one aspect of normal Diao Ye Zong, and that's fitting the real Touhou characters. The fairies really aren't all that complex.
@SuperSnekFriend Most humans can't use spell cards to begin with, much less D-tier spell cards. Regular humans would be screwed if they were to encounter a random fairy much less one like Cirno
@poopernova @SuperSnekFriend >Regular humans would be screwed If any fairy were ever wiling to do much. Cirno would be bored after making a light breeze towards a guy then fly off to go mess with the fairies at the shrine again. Sure, the average guy may not put up a fight in danmaku but fairies don't exactly ever fight random guys, just pranks.
i was talking to clarisse about power rangers and super sentai, and how there is always one girl, maybe two if they’re pushing, and she’s always the pink [whatever they’re called in that super sentai show]
well turns out in the current series, No.1 Sentai Gozyuger, the girl turns into the black gozyuger (how do you say that), so, shame on me
ASEAN should reconsider its approach to external partners: instead of perceiving minilateralism as a threat, it could serve as a platform for reconciling competing visions.…
The production of precisely graded 5mm aggregates presents unique challenges that demand careful equipment selection. While both secondary fine jaw crushers and sand making machines can achieve the target particle size, their operational characteristics and final product qualities differ significantly. This decision impacts not just the immediate production outcome, but also long-term operational costs, maintenance requirements, and product versatility. Understanding the nuanced advantages of each approach requires examining particle morphology, production efficiency, and downstream application requirements.
Modern aggregate specifications have become increasingly stringent, particularly for premium concrete mixes and specialized construction applications. The shape, surface texture, and gradation consistency of 5mm aggregates significantly influence material performance in everything from high-strength concrete to asphalt mixtures. As such, the choice between secondary crushing and sand making technologies carries substantial technical and economic implications for aggregate producers. youtube.com/embed/rj9vTyYE6Ug?…
Particle Shape Considerations for Different Applications
The geometric properties of 5mm aggregates vary dramatically depending on whether they're produced through compressive crushing or impact fragmentation. Secondary fine jaw crushers generate more angular particles with micro-fractured surfaces that enhance bonding in cementitious applications. This makes them particularly suitable for structural concrete where interparticle friction and cement paste adhesion are paramount.
Sand making machines, conversely, produce more cubical particles with smoother surfaces through autogenous rock-on-rock impact. These characteristics prove ideal for asphalt production and drainage applications where particle packing density and fluid flow characteristics are critical. Recent studies indicate that sand making machine-produced aggregates can reduce asphalt mix binder requirements by 4-7% compared to traditionally crushed material, representing significant cost savings for large-scale paving projects.
Production Efficiency and Operational Economics
Throughput capacity and energy consumption diverge markedly between these technologies when targeting 5mm product. Modern fine jaw crushers configured for small output sizes typically achieve 30-50% higher throughput rates than comparable sand makers when processing medium-hard rock. However, this advantage diminishes with harder feed materials where impact crushing becomes more energy-efficient. youtube.com/embed/-VZa9pa0MLI?… Operating costs tell a more complex story. While jaw crushers generally have lower wear part costs per ton, sand makers often compensate with their ability to produce multiple saleable products simultaneously. A well-configured sand making circuit can yield premium manufactured sand alongside the 5mm aggregate, potentially doubling the value extracted from each ton of feed material. This economic calculus shifts significantly based on local market demands for various aggregate fractions.
Material Versatility and Downstream Processing
Feed material characteristics heavily influence the technology selection. Laminated or friable rocks often produce excessive fines in sand making machines, making fine jaw crushers the preferable choice. Conversely, highly abrasive materials like quartzite can cause prohibitive wear rates in jaw crushers when set for 5mm output, favoring the more maintainable sand maker approach.
Downstream processing requirements further complicate the decision. Sand making systems typically integrate more effectively with air classification and particle shaping technologies for precise gradation control. However, jaw stone crusher products often require less screening and recirculation to achieve target specifications, simplifying the overall plant layout. The optimal solution frequently involves hybrid approaches, using each technology where it performs best within a comprehensive processing circuit.
The debate between secondary fine jaw crushers and sand making machines for 5mm aggregate production resists simple resolution. Wise operators consider their specific feed material characteristics, product portfolio strategy, and operational priorities before committing to either technology. Increasingly, the most successful operations employ both systems in carefully sequenced configurations that extract maximum value from each ton of raw material while meeting diverse market requirements.
@Evil_Bender @MCMLXVIIOTG @verita84 Yeah, I didn't see Windows 8 as that bad. Only issue was aesthetics and store shit and data mining. Pretty much true for every new iteration since Vista. I don't know why Microsoft doesn't just sell a stripped down/debloated privacy respecting version. People would actually give them money for it.
@WilhelmIII @Evil_Bender @MCMLXVIIOTG @verita84 I'm sure some people would be willing to pay them $100, and I doubt their personal info is worth that much. Also, many people limit the telemetry to the point where it's probably not valuable. I think they have debloated government versions of it, and of course the versions meant for kiosks and stuff.
A specific listing on CDW.com shows a standard subscription for the Workstation edition priced at $429.99 for a single license.
The cost for specialized editions like Red Hat Enterprise Linux for SAP Solutions starts at $1,923.90, and for Virtual Datacenters, it starts at $2,748.90
The information technology products, expertise and service you need to make your business successful.Fast shipping, fast answers, the industry's largest in-stock inventories, custom configurations and more.
Alternate Reality Israel, And Other Reader Questions
The most culturally consequential fictional fantasy land ever authored is not Oz or Narnia or Middle Earth, but the liberal Zionist creation of Alternate Reality Israel.
None of them are even remotely acquainted with the modern origins of the of the sovereign nation-state, a social construct without any particular uniqueness or inherent truth, born from the treaty of Westphalia. RE: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eddeo…
I have lived with a disease that causes chronic pain since I was a teenager.
Chronic pain is a real asshole. It isn't just about being in pain, chronic pain and inflammation affects every part of your body. It gives you a continuous stream of cortisol, it makes your blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugars higher, so, you're very likely to deal with heart issues, stroke, sleep issues, diabetes, and all manner of metabolic issues. It fucks up your stomach too, nausea, acid reflux, aching guts. Oh, and it's harder to lose and maintain weight too. It's harder to exercise regularly. It raises your anxiety and stress levels, so, now you have to deal with that. Add to that the fun of people who just don't believe you could be hurting that much.
So, let's talk about pain management, if you've been there, you just cringed a little. The first thing you need to understand is that the goal of pain management is not to take away your pain, it is to make it manageable enough for you to function. I will preface this by saying I am incredibly thankful for modern medicine, I don't think I'd be alive without it, and I've been lucky to have decent doctors and to also be able to afford the care I've needed at least for 50% of my life. Sometimes you know pain is temporary, you have an end in sight, but for many people with chronic pain this isn't the reality. For many people, they know this will only get worse. Now imagine every time you ask for help it's met with suspicion, and I get it, pain meds come with an avalanche of their own side effects and health issues. I've stayed in a lot of pain so many times, because I'm very afraid of being an addict. There is a level of pain where you stop caring, and you just need it to stop.
So, now you tell someone who has never dealt with this what you're dealing with, and you get to hear all their ideas. These people mean well, they really do, but it's very hard to smile and say thanks when someone suggests maybe you should try their anti-inflammatory diet, acupuncture, massage, eastern medicine, scam vitamins, essential oils, exercise routine, fucking meditation, ect. If I could meditate my way out of my insides being fucked up, I would, and believe me I've tried, I still try. I've tried and tried everything. And let's not ignore the best part of this kind if advice, it's all usually really fucking expensive and time consuming. Regular massage does actually help with my pain management, but pain meds cost me $5 and massage is $50. Juicing 40 pounds of fruit and vegetables a week, costs more than my utilities. You think, I didn't try eating low carb, higher protein, low fodmaps, gluten free? I certainly have.
The point in this long rambling post is to remember, People who mention they are taking pain meds or are in pain management aren't usually doing this to get high, they are doing it to feel normal, to feel functional, to try to get half a night of uninterrupted sleep, and even when it's working like it's supposed to they are probably still in a little bit of pain.
When my roomie's pain management doctor was replaced, the new one waited until he showed up for his usual nerve ablation procedure to tell him he's "too heavy" for the table (where he's already had this exact thing done half a dozen times).
So, instead of experiencing the relief he was looking forward to, now my friend gets to look for a new pain management doctor and get referrals and wait through all that shit when he is ALREADY at a high pain level that could've been avoided if the new doc had just gone through the new patient files and said "oh I'm too fatphobic to treat someone like this like a normal human being" so my buddy could've started looking for a new doc already.
The best way to help someone in chronic pain, is to be still and quiet enough to listen to them and hear what they can share. Clamp your lips shut and allow silence to cradle your understanding of their situation before you offer any "new" information of your own.
I feel for you. I've watched my brother deal with this since I was born. It's not fun to watch. I feel helpless bc he feels helpless most of the time. 😞🫂
thanks for sharing this. I have a friend with chronic pain. The concept of always being under par is so hard for those of us lucky enough not to be, to grasp. So reading this helps me to understand better.
My spouse is always irritated at those face pain charts because an 8 for most people is *normal* for her and there isn't anything beyond 10 to measure.
To add to what @RickiTarr@beige.party said: We understand that you want to help. But trust us, those of us who live with chronic pain have already tried or assessed things you haven't even thought of yet.
All that stuff you reach for when you have a headache? There's no point in my even buying it for myself. If I'm in enough pain that I'm seeking pain relief, it's already gone way past what any over-the-counter medication will handle. Ibuprofen is worse than most: Doses high enough to be actually therapeutic will send me into convulsions.
If I am hurting badly enough that I need pain relief, the meds I need to take to have any impact will leave me woozy enough to be non-functional.
About twenty years ago now (think about that part for a moment) I ended up at a pain specialist who injected a nerve block into one of my spinal nerves as a test. I had four gloriously pain-free days, followed by three days or so of about 50% pain relief.
That was so promising that we went directly in from there to high-frequency nerve ablation without a second test shot. My body interpreted that as damage,and re-routed around it within 24 hours.
There's a treatment they call the K-hole that has shown a lot of promise in resetting some kinds of chronic pain. They basically put you out with ketamine and keep you that way for a week. With luck, when they let you wake up, your brain's pain centers have reset.
If you want to try that treatment, you have to go to Germany, because it's not approved in the US. And you need to be able to pay for the whole thing out of pocket, because your insurance won't cover it.
We appreciate that you want to try to help. But please, start by understanding the problem.
I used to watch House all the time because I love Hugh Laurie and I love watching mysteries get solved, but it frequently made me angry because of how they treated his need for pain management. And also the hospital politics but that's a different issue.
Reminds me of people who think we AD(H)D people just wanna take legal speed. If that was the case, as someone else on here humorously put it, why do I have such a problem remembering to take em?
luckily, since it’s RA, I’m able to deal with it using an immune suppressant, though some joint is usually spicy every day, and *most* people don’t look at you with suspicion for that kind of med. Though the amount of “help” I receive is staggering. Like don’t you think I’ve tried stuff so I’m not an exhausted mess? I had a woman tell me I wouldn’t need a cane if I lost weight simply because outwardly I look fine. It sucks that people don’t get chronic anything.
I've been dealing with a chronic pain condition for over a quarter of a century now, and I am not a person who can take opioid-based medicines or analogues (allergic). So you can imagine how fun that has been. 🙄
I'm finally on a medication that gives me more function than I have had in decades, but it is still slow going. It's not like I was able to bounce back magically over the last three months (though this is just the loading dose). But inflammation is down and nighttime recovery is starting to happen for the first time in I don't know how long. I'm hopeful.
Luckily it's not a medication that's addictive or going to be taken away from me. Hopefully. But my doctor is prescribing it to me for an off-label reason. If I didn't have this one tenuous connection to healthcare, a direct care physician whom I pay to be my doctor, I wouldn't be able to get this helpful drug.
And you're right, pain and inflammation control really only allows us to function, not become pain-free. (I don't even know what being pain-free feels like; is that state really supposed to exist?) 😳
Also I'm a massage therapist, and I can't even afford to get massage therapy services for myself on a regular basis. Ideally I'd have a session a week to help control pain and muscle stiffness, but... 🙄
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So many bumblebees and other smaller bees are living their best lives getting intimate with the little purple blossoms on the Agastache foeniculum stalks, also called Giant Hyssop or Anise Hyssop.
People see you about and think: 'It can't be that bad - I know how to help!'
Chronic sufferers know:
- you have a daily budget for tolerable agony - no one likes or wants to be around a whiner - you can't feed yourself, kids, pets if you don't get shit done
So you plan.
You suck it up.
You go.
You pretend.
Later at home you can drop to the floor swearing & venting until you can open your eyes & think again.
Once upon a time I had pretty good insurance and got a lot of physical therapy and meds and was able to live for a while like a regular person (arthritis, scoliosis, ED, panic disorder). I was teaching studio and competing with my joint and back conditions in check. I was so happy and transformed when my pain was in check. Since bad insurance I am not the same. TBH, I sometimes hope none of my students see me like this.
thank you for sharing this, I have to say that my stress levels are much better now I'm back in the UK and no one looks at me as an addict when I renew my pain meds each month, as opposed to my US pain clinic which made me pee in a cup to prove I was taking them and billed me $200 for the privilege!
Well put. During my recent last resort visit to hospital emergency for incapacitating pain, they threw four pain meds into the mix, including heavy dose of opioids as they attempted to reset the pain system meltdown. It made no difference. None. Honestly, I don't go to the hospital expecting pain relief. It's to be in the right place should I go into organ, heart failure, etc. as a result.
After 40 years of NSAIDs for all the different chronic and fleeting illnesses and injuries: Nurse: So do you want to have organ function in the future or pain relief now? Me: pain relief now please Nurse: that wasn’t a question Me: it sounded like one Nurse: nobody likes a smart-alec Me: (not out loud) better a smart ass than a dumb ass
Yep. I've been dealing with post-concussion syndrome for the last 6+ years. Some days are better than others, and things are way better than they were a few years ago. But yeah, hard to remember what it was like to not have a constant headache and not have to deal with the triggers that make it worse.
And yes, I've tried all the self-help shit, too. *sigh*
with over sixty years chronic found pain scales are subjectively meaningless to everyone including me. an unused objective pain scale asks: how many of your last ten thoughts revolve around ur pain? baseline condition pain 0-10 how many include derivatives of ouch or fuck me? acute pain 0-10
When I was 13 I was playing football in HS. We were doing a tackling drill and I kept getting "the little guy" to tackle and got ribbed about it. When I went to tackle him the third time, I pulled back and my back went twing. From that moment forward I've had back pain. Sometimes it's just a 1, but usually it's a 3. For much of my 20s it was 7-9.
I have elevated BP, cholesterol, and when I was younger could not gain weight to save my life.
I occasionally have conversations with doctors where they’re like “oh you use marijuana for pain, there are bad things about that” and I’m like yeah, but I’m in pain and it’s *all I have* and they’ll nod and say yeah that makes sense, or maybe a “good for you” not taking pain meds that address pain instead of just causing disassociation…
I hate how you have to be so careful what else you mention too, so doctors don’t hare off down the ‘easy’ (to them) path. I was trying to get an issue diagnosed that increased my exhaustion, my pain, and a lot more, along with feeling strangely and horribly anxious all the time. I didn’t dare mention that last point much because then people wanted to blame my heart rate and nausea and sleep problems on anxiety. When I did get diagnosed, turns out the problem was also the source of the anxiety. …and I found so many stories of people getting dismissed trying to seek help for all the physical problems because they talked about the anxiety.
Fucking meditation. Fucking CBT. Waking up every morning and having a glorious 10 seconds before moving sets off all the pain receptors. Easing out of bed, judging by how bad it is how many chores I can do, which ones are most important, and which of those risk causing more pain, weighting each one like an actuary.
I’m already on a gluten-free, vegetarian, dairy-free diet. And old-lady arthritis meds. But not the pain-free dose, because I need to plan for another 40 years of this and the future need to increase the dose. So I live with gasp-inducing pain so that I still have room in future to increase the dose when it gets to can’t-move-or-speak pain. Which it will. I saw my mother get there. And my aunts.
“Pain management” is exactly what you said. Keeping the pain at a personally acceptable level until it isn’t any more. There is no finish line. There is no “done.” Well, there is, but people get freaked out when we talk about that.
And people who don’t live with chronic pain have the best of intentions, but for the love of pete, I’m done with woo woo and multi-level-marketing gimmicks and snake oil. It’s to the point where I avoid people who were once friends because they insist that all I need is an essential oil rubbed on my temples and the pain will go away. And exercise. Movement, maybe. Exercise, sometimes. But I have done objective damage to my feet, knee, and hip cartilage trying to exercise my way out of pain, and yes, that adds to my pain, and arthritis, and no amount of eating chia seeds is going to get that cartilage back.
Anyway, I’m saying you’re right. So right. I get it. And there’s no joy in saying that.
My wife has had "daily persistent headache" / "chronic migraine" for almost 15 years. If she is awake, her head hurts. It's bad enough that she was able to get on social security disability.
What do I do to help her? Whatever she needs. Whatever she asks. Sometimes it's talking quieter, walking softer, angling my phone screen away. Sometimes it's just letting her be without interruption or helping her to bed early.
In turn, she thanks me for being understanding and I remind her how much she means to me.
I do not presume to have any answers or solutions. That's for her doctors and specialists.
Our relationship works because we both approach it with love. We both listen to and voice appreciation of each other.
It wouldn't work without that reciprocation of trust and respect. It keeps us from burnout, resentment, shame, and fear.
My point is: someone living with a disability is still a complete, valid human with their own deep internal thoughts and opinions. Unless they are your patient, unless they ask you specifically, assume they already thought of the thing you are about to suggest. They live this way. Don't you think they've probably already stumbled across this one cool life hack by now? Even if they haven't, maybe they just want you to be a friend and not provide medical advice.
I haven't even read all the responses yet. I just have to tell you how spot on you are with everything you said. I don't criticize anyone for trying anything for this sort of long term pain. I'm on many drugs and thankful for the pain specialist I found a few years ago but I'm still trying to meditate and pain track and often acupuncture. I think the acupuncturist is such a caring and lovely person I feel better after seeing him but don't know if the needles are working 1/
some years back the spouse hit a patch of black ice walking in a parking lot. Fell flat on his back fractured three vertebrae and four ribs. Post Traumatic Arthritis set in Doesn’t take anything addictive, gets biannual guided steroid injections to help the pain. I called a family member a clueless cunt at a holiday gathering when she said he didn’t need gabapentin but instead needed to, wait for it, think positive and do a daily affirmation.
when my daughter was little she would end tantrums saying her belly hurt. You can imagine our (angry, frustrated, ignorant) reaction. Fast forward 20 years and find that she has food allergies that cause (guess what!) abdominal pain.
Part the umpteenth in me learning to believe folks when they say what is wrong.
A cervical epidural steroid injection is an injection of anti-inflammatory medicine into the epidural space around the spinal nerves in your neck to manage pain.
Yup. What she said. One of the annoying things (as in, how ‘bout I punch you upside the head?) is when someone says, “you don’t look sick,” and they think they’re being supportive. I’ve been accused of med-seeking (accurately, that’s exactly what I was doing). I’ve been addicted to opiates. I’ve stolen meds out of friends’ bathrooms. I’ve stolen my wife’s meds. I’ve been (mostly) pain free for 25 years now, and have a hoard of pills stashed away, just in case it returns.
have the luck to never had this, but even a little pain barely perceptible, that remain long (a week long kind of hache) can disturb your day, that i know it fist hand (i can only imaginate what actual chronical pain must be, but i'm sure it must be horrible as my light pain push me over the edge).
so yeah we must research more micro management of pain without calling the highly bad (for liver) pain killer we have know.
and i have the luck to live in EU where pain killer is cheap.
👏👏👏👏👏 It helps if you have the good fortune to find a pain management professional who has personally experienced debilitating pain. They get it. They've been there/are there.
- it feels weird to realize that my kids, who are over 30, have never once seen me not in pain. They have no idea who I am without it. I myself have pretty much forgotten who I am without it.
- I am unusually sensitive to meds that have any level of narcotic effect. So even if my dr offered me such [which she doesn't], taking them would make me unable to function. (Going by the very few occasions on which I WAS given some.) As you said, making yourself able to function is the goal.
- it only occurs to me now that, back when I didn't experience pain, I was no happier than I am today. Seems weird to say it out loud but it's true.
I experienced a lot of those symptoms when I had undiagnosed cancer for probably a decade. I was convinced I had CFS/ME because that was the only thing that made sense (other than actual cancer). My pain was a low-level burn that was manageable but made it hard to function at my previous level. If I had been able to get a good night's sleep, I might have felt better, but as you note, that's extremely difficult under the circumstances.
Also dealing with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, & Long Covid.
After enough conversations with doctors stunned I walked and laughed off foot dislocations, & with enough reading of philosophy, the following insight helps me in my life.
Pain is a choice, up to a point. Discomfort is not.
It’s a powerful concept.
Our pain tolerance is obscene thanks to the chronic pain we have. We’ve withstood hell yet are still here.
@GamingWithEars Yes. I currently can not get any pain meds because I live in a woke state that is all hippie dippie. I suffer every day. It is hard. I don't even go to the doctor anymore. So tired of being told an antidecrrcssant will help me not care. Or how about another useless injection? So sorry you go through this tooddGlad you can get help.
Well said. I got a chronic diagnosis about ten years back. When I told my family about it, my older sibling sent me a book about a miracle food diet that was SURE to cure my condition! 🙄 (This from the woman who ate horsey-paste [Ivermectin] instead of getting a COVID vaccine. 🤦♂️)
I'm sure she meant well and I try to remember that but it's definitely affected our relationship. 😔
You have to love the Fedi, one place noone minds a sound-off over which bit hurts most / is causing most problems.
It's a great place to swap notes, maybe gain insight into something that never made sense, make new connections...
I started with Autoimmune issues, then injuries from being severely dyspraxic / queer (literal queerbashing).
Now I wonder if the periodontitis was inevitable, certainly it added to heart / pancreas issues.
OK, hadn't realised quite all the complications, but yes I have most if not all of those. Probably Cortisol and Adrenaline are the worst bastards at fucking everything up. Usually just robbing me of breath, but it varies. Joints doubling in size, Oedema / Gout are absolute hoots too, not.
Sad to report, short of permanent nerve blocks, only nerve damage seems to help. Indeed PND seems inevitable if you're prone to injury & have bad / no medical help, especially if you have PAD and don't realise it.
They say misery loves company, so do Rheumatoid / Arthritic conditions - they pup. What is it, over 200 "Rheumatoid" conditions so far identified?
I deal with the same. There's a point in my experience where I just live with it. Each new level of pain is that which becomes my new normal. Sure I might randomly yelp as a new cycle erupts or (my new thing to cope) grit my teeth while I sleep to the point I am wearing away by bottom teeth and need a guard to protect them. I cannot explain this to my health care provider in terms they can understand so now I keep it to myself.
as someone with chronic pain i think its made me be a less present listener to my friends bc i have tried so many things and have solved a couple medical mysteries myself and am so amped on any improvement i yap about whatever thing im convinced helped me at the time.
but i dont think this is the correct approach, just an understandable one. def listen to your friends/family/loved ones with chronic pain or any health issues including mental health. if they ask you for help, you can offer it. or! even ask them if they want some tips or advice. you can express concern and offer support without getting into the nitty gritty. esp when figuring this out or just continuing to live day to day is a full time job
being someone who came from fully able bodied, had no problem exercising, etc, to having multiple chronic pains has been an eye opener. Not because of the pain, that's the 'easy' part to deal with. It's everyone demanding I be able bodied again that fucking hurts the most
fibro? I knew you had pain issues, but I didn't know you were all out chronic pain. Totally want to just copy and paste everything you said and put it in a pinned post...everytime i try, I ramble on about capitalism and how it caused me to injure myself and live this life. The *other* chronic pain I've had since birth has been fairly treatable for the past 13 years or so. Always appreciate everyone speaking up about it though!
Cannabigerol (CBG), a non-psychoactive cannabinoid found in cannabis, has emerged as a promising therapeutic agent with a diverse range of potential applications. Unlike its well-known counterpart tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), CBG does not induce ...
This is mainly why I just use CBD and smoke weed to counter my pain. Dealing with the medical community when it comes to pain is such a brutally exhausting gamut with a huge range of side effects and assholes that I just decided fuck it for the most part. There are some meds I still have to take to manage it, especially muscle relaxants, but ironically the one that works best for me, I can't get because it isn't profitable enough so they don't sell it, which means it needs to be compounded which is like $100 a pop here. I feel your pain, since I was 13 years old. Literally.
“Pain Management” in my experience is that you Do. Not. Get. Any. Relief. In fact in a state like here, the goal is you don’t get any meds. The whole “management” part is to reduce the flow of prescription drugs so the politicians, insurance and the doctors show they are TOUGH on DRUGS
Sorry if I sound a little bitter. Not sorry. Jeesh.
totally and completely. Reading this in the dark kitchen while I can’t sleep because : pain. Menopause brought the world down on my head. Weight gain was a sudden 30 lbs in my front. When my L5 disc burst, I did indeed get the weight talk from the specialist. (“Just cut calories and it will come off quite easily”) But the disc isn’t even my lifelong pain- my shoulder since an accident in my 20s. I’m sad to read these stories but thank you because it can get lonely 🩷
Treating the media as a battlefield, a secretive intelligence squad scoured Gaza for material to bolster Israeli hasbara — including questionable claims that would justify the killing of Palestinian reporters.
Sure, the average guy may not put up a fight in danmaku but fairies don't exactly ever fight random guys, just pranks.
WilhelmIII
in reply to Rot-Wing Death Squad • • •👀
I turn 60 in October.
It gets worse.
And then you start outliving your enemies and it gets better.
😁
Space Enginigger Tyler
in reply to WilhelmIII • • •Coded Artist likes this.