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Dear Abby: My baby boy died unexpectedly, and for a long time, I was completely lost. I cried all the time. I couldn't stand to be around anyone or leave the house. With time and counseling, I'm starting to emerge again, but it's really hard.
One problem is, when I run into someone I haven't seen in a while, they ask how I am. They go on to say how sorry they were to hear about my son's passing, and then they want to tell me about someone they lost. I can't have this conversation without bursting into tears, sometimes sobbing hysterically. The outing is then ruined, and I have to go home again.
How can I get people to not do this? I know they are trying to be caring, but I can't function if I have to keep having this conversation over and over.
— Just out for Groceries
Dear Just Out: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your precious baby boy. When people ask how you are doing, tell them you are "doing well under the circumstances and don't wish to discuss it further." Period! Change the subject and, if necessary, walk away.
For some unknown reason, when someone has lost a loved one, others feel it is "comforting" for the bereaved to know about similar cases. THIS IS NOT TRUE! When people have suffered a loss, they are only IRRITATED by well-meaning friends who say, "I know exactly what you are going through. I experienced something similar."
Folks, when comforting the grieving, comparisons should be avoided.
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com.
relentless_eduardo
in reply to nchia 🐘🎈 • • •