We get "motherhood" all wrong. It isn't really a thing.
Human history...pre-history: As best we can tell, as it is all a guessing game, humans are about 200k yrs old. And the vast, vast majority of that time was spent living in smallish hunter gatherer tribes. Civilization began about 10k yrs ago, probably, but that varied by place. Of course some people's still live in those small tribes. So we can look to what happens there to form ideas about our instincts. In those tribes "motherhood" isn't a thing like it is in our world. I've read a number of studies on this one, it's fascinating! One study showed that a new born baby is held on average by 14 different people a day. Mothers take a few weeks to recover, and they stay very close to their baby nursing, etc, but they really don't do much "mothering". Small children are cared for communally and once they are old enough to run around, they join their local kids play group. The mothers stay physically close to their kids, but are engaged in their own crafts for most of the day while conversing with other adults. This is what our instincts are build for.
Having been through this myself, I can't tell you wave of relief that hit me when I learned this, it was an "O, that's why it was so hard. I was never meant to do it that way!" The way we do "motherhood" now, with one woman alone in a house with multiple kids all day playing patty cake is unnatural to the point of being really destructive.
remnant
in reply to hmichellerose • • •