The Father as Situational Alpha

#HappyFathersDay: All fathers face Alpha responsibilities and expectations

What is a man to do when despite his non-Alpha behavioral pattern, he finds himself forced to meet the situational responsibilities and expectations of an Alpha in the context of his family. This is a problem that confronts most family men, because most of us are not Alpha males and yet we inevitably find ourselves in a position of having to act as if we are.

I suggest the words of CS Lewis, as attributed to the fictional of King Lune of Archenland in the book The Horse and His Boy, are some of the most useful ever written in this regard.

And presently, as was certain to happen sooner or later, #KingLune said if was time for young people to be in bed. “And tomorrow, Cor,” he added, “shalt come over all the castle with me and see the estres and mark all its strength and weakness: for it will be thine to guard when I’m gone.”

“But Corin will be the King then, Father,” said Cor.

“Nay, lad,” said King Lune, “thou art my heir. The crown comes to thee.”

“But I don’t want it,” said Cor. “I’d far rather-“

“‘Tis no question what thou wantest, Cor, nor I either. ‘Tis in the course of law.”

“But if we’re twins we must be the same age.”

“Nay,” said the King with a laugh. “One must come first. Art Corin’s elder by full twenty minutes. And his better too, let’s hope, though that’s no great mastery.” And he looked at Corin with a twinkle in his eyes.

“But, Father, couldn’t you make whichever you like to be the next King?”

“No. The king’s under the law, for it’s the law makes him a king. Hast no more power to start away from thy crown than any sentry from his post.”

“Oh dear,” said Cor. “I don’t want to at all. And Corin - I am most dreadfully sorry. I never dreamed my turning up was going to chisel you out of your kingdom.”

“Hurrah! Hurrah!” said Corin. “I shan’t have to be King. I shan’t have to be King. I’ll always be a prince. It’s princes have all the fun.”

“And that’s truer than thy brother knows, Cor,” said King Lune. “For this is what it means to be a king: to be first in every desperate attack and last in every desperate retreat, and when there’s hunger in the land (as must be now and then in bad years) to wear finer clothes and laugh louder over a scantier meal than any man in your land.”

How does this translate into modern paternal terms:

• To be first in every desperate attack means going out and finding a way to provide for your wife and your children, regardless of your feelings, fears, and preferences. If you have to dig ditches, you dig ditches. If you have to go without sleep, you go without sleep. You take the risks, knowing that success is neither promised nor guaranteed.
• To be last in every desperate retreat means you shield your family and take the hits yourself. You don’t cry, you don’t whine, you don’t lean on your wife, much less your children, for emotional support in carrying the burden.
• To wear finer clothes and laugh louder over a scantier meal means you not only conceal your fears from others, but you accept the responsibility to keep up their morale even in difficult situations. Even if things get tight economically, you don’t share that with anyone unless and until it is necessary.

Now, there will be no shortage of men who will argue that this isn’t fair, that they aren’t interested in this sort of self-sacrifice, and that they don’t see why they should care about anyone else’s feelings, fears, and preferences when no one cares about theirs.

And that is why they will never be kings or situational Alphas of any kind, why they will never know the respect and adulation of others, and why they will always be regarded as inferiors by men and women alike. No one gives medals to cowards or smart boys who serve only themselves.

Alphas not only aren’t narcissistic or self-serving as they are often portrayed, they are necessarily empathetic due to the way in which they have to look out for the interests of those who belong to the hierarchy they lead. And the same is true of fathers, no matter how ill-suited we might naturally be toward that other-centric perspective.

Which, of course, is why fathers matter, even in a world - especially in a world - that seeks to denigrate them and minimize their influence.

The Father as Situational Alpha

^{Vox Day (Sigma Game)}