This is my most needed feature in linux. I want zero 'connect/disconnect' sounds and if the laptop is asleep I don't want it to wake up in the middle of the night for no reason.

I have an infinite supply of Windows laptops from work but I hate them with a burning passion and I can't afford to replace my Macbook.

If someone can tell me what linux distro is the most silent and least annoying I will erase my entire Windows partition this weekend.