I previously had Friendica on a server with an i7-6850 CPU 6 core 12 thread at 4.2Ghz, 128GB of RAM. This was clearly insufficient for the traffic we have.
So I upgraded to an i9-10980xe overclocked at 4.9Ghz, 18 cores 36 and 256GB of RAM, database is on two WD black nvme SSD's raid 1, most of the rest of the file system is on 14TB drives.
Load was heavy even though CPU was 95% idle, and disk I/O was nowhere near saturation. I finally found the issue was net.core.somaxconn which Ubuntu defaults to 4096, on this machine this was not enough, bumbed this up to 65536, socket connections immediately jumped to 13,000+, load dropped way down, response way up. About 1000 of those connections were to the database.
Because this item did not show up in any Friendica tuning docs, but did seem highly relevant here I thought I'd share.