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friendica (DFRN) - Link to source

I know who needed to read this 3 years ago but maybe it can help someone else now, it's okay to come out as #transgender, but you can't expect everyone in your life outside of your relatives to keep the same kind of relationship with you after they know. Because even if you're the same person, you're changing the way you present yourself, gender, body and mind, especially if you're on Hormone Replacement Therapy. And it doesn't have anything to do with transphobia if most relationships drastically change or stop altogether because of that fact.

The sad truth is that nobody but you can know yourself deep down, everyone else only knows the person you're presenting. And relationships can very well continue after a coming out, but not necessarily, and there's nothing you or they can do about that.

This entry was edited (5 years ago)
in reply to Hypolite Petovan

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

No offense towards transsexual people, they just need to understand how heterosexuality works. A heterosexual man is not into a biological man (with XY chromosomes), same with a heterosexual woman, not into a biological woman (XX).

And it does matter what is between the legs for us (heterosexuals) a lot. I'm not talking here about society, that they (trans) are accepted in society, more on a romantic/sexual level. As loose friends they are okay with me (and her, too) as long as they respect our preferences back.

in reply to Hypolite Petovan

friendica (DFRN) - Link to source

Nanook

I have a friend who started out as male, transitioned to female including anatomical surgery. He now she, ended up marrying a woman. I don't know what to make of that relationship. Are they gay, since they're both now women? or straight since he started out a biological male? I try to be respectful of now her desire to identify as a woman but since he didn't when I first knew him it's still a difficult mental adjustment for me to make and I slip once in a while.
in reply to Hypolite Petovan

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

It is not entirely uncalled on my side. I had 3 different experiences with #transsexual and also #homosexual (2 different, one positive the other negative) people.

The first one was more as a third party. A trusted friend of mine told me about his friend doing one-night stands. He (his friend) was in Singapore and was looking for an #ONS . He found on streets a nice looking lady and they agreed for it so they went to his hotel. She was beautiful on all edges, nice skin (no birthmarks), long black straight hair and so on. Then they talked there a little and got into action. When she undressed her upper cloths and opens her bra, he said it was all perfect, nice round breasts with large nipples (no objectification intended by him) ... until she opened her underwear (means exposing her genitals).

He was so much shocked down to the bones (don't worry, he does fine now) and had to use all his diplomatic words and efforts he could come up with that he has an issue with her genitals, a penis with a testicle sack.

I had a similar issue in my past and will not go to ladies with a TS in their profiles anymore, to say it openly. When we were doing #sixty-nine I know for 110% that transsexuals are not my thing at all.

The next was on #Okcupid where I also found my now-girlfriend. But before her I messaged there with a (I believed) #straight woman (her profile didn't state transsexual) but I also wondered why she looked so #boyish to me. I also sent my now-girlfriend links to her images and she agreed with me that she looks very boyish. So I decided to politely ask if she was a transsexual as she always looked so boyish to me (and to my now-girlfriend). She asked back if that would be a problem with me and I said "Yes, it is." because of what is between her legs (a penis). I didn't say it so directly as I didn't want to offend or insult her.

Just to make my point clear: I'm not only into #heterosexual women because of their sexual identity but more importantly that they are a biological, natural woman.

The last thing then I saw and felt as heterosexual man misunderstood are the videos I already (tried to) showed to you. They (transsexual activists) have really absolutely NO right in telling us (heterosexual) what we have to feel and not to feel and who we date (for romance/sex/LTR/ONS/...) and not date. That's what I have an issue with.

in reply to Roland Häder

friendica - Link to source

Hypolite Petovan

I recant my statement about you having no doubt about your sexuality, which might explain why you are so adamant about it and sensitive about the content of these videos.

My bottom line still is, your sexual preferences are your sexual preferences, and no one else but yourself needs to know about it, especially since they are so exclusionary, because they can be hurtful to simply read.

You will get no medal from me from stating them here for sure.

Roland Häder doesn't like this.

in reply to Hypolite Petovan

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

My girlfriend knows about my sexual preferences and that is being a heterosexual and biological man I'm into heterosexual and biological women only. Heterosexual men are not into (sucking) dicks when it comes to sexual activities. We don't do that and so with being into biological women (and that they identify as feminine, of course).

I don't suck dick, I lick pussy. And I don't need a medal from you or anyone. Just respect heterosexual men's/women's preferences and we are all good.

in reply to Nanook

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

As far as I understand, it is about showing pride of what they are, making (intolerant) people aware of that they are humans, too. That they belong into society, too. It is nothing about shaming straights. Maybe some #LGBTQ+ members have some mild or even harsh heterophobia but those I met gave me mixed feelings.

Many years (over 20 already!) back, I shared a room in a boarding house with a gay. He started finding me attractive as I was very slim (70-60-90, metric system, circumference on chest-waist-butt cheeks). He tried his "best" efforts to make my bed uncomfortable as much as possible and invited me almost daily to join his bed. Then one day (not night!), I was in his bed and he wanted me to relax so he can suck my penis. I felt so very awkward next to him that I had to speak with the educators about it and I had to let them call him off from me, that I'm not gay but heterosexual.

The next gays I met was then here in #Krefeld already and when I went to shopping and saw #vegan activism group I spoke to the group. Later I found out that 3 were gays. They showed all the respect towards me being a heterosexual and we even joked about anal sex. It was really fun with them and I'm thankful to them that none (2 were a couple, 1 was single) of them tried to question my sexuality.

An other more indirect encounter was in #Dortmund where I went to a Psychedelic Trance party called #Nibirii . There I saw a lesbian couple. I was about to approach them and wish them all love and luck in their relationship but I was to shy to do it. Next time, I do it! Let's show respect to reach other and our preferences.

in reply to Hypolite Petovan

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

Why would you want to date a transsexual only for later on adopting children? It makes no sense, unless you are not fully heterosexual but more bisexual or homosexual.

And have transsexuals ever though of how they have been created or made? By a sexual act involving sperm fertilizing an ovum. Humanity doesn't exist because of we adopt children (from other what then?), humanity exist because we MAKE children and that always requires both, one sperm cell and one ovum.

Sure, for many couples (declining birthrates in "Western" countries) it isn't about having children but they should really consider a brutal and scary, horrifying fact:

Your bloodline that exist for millions of years and through hundred-thousands of generates ends irreversible with YOU!

in reply to Roland Häder

friendica (DFRN) - Link to source

Nanook

Personally I don't worry about what works for other people, I worry about what works for me. I've been married, 42 years, to a biological female, I am biological male. We've had and raised 4 children, and for us that works, but not everybody wants children and arguably there are plenty to go around in the world today.
in reply to Nanook

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

For me, I also enjoy my sexuality for non-reproduction purposes, like pleasuring my partner with #Cunnilingus or being pleasured by her through #Fellatio or whatever we are up to. And there is nothing wrong about that, oral sex is just fine.

I want to enjoy life, too. And it is short. Still I make sure that I have at least one or two descendants with at least one of my partners and I do have one own daughter. 😀

in reply to Nanook

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

Ah, okay. I understood it that way. And good you didn't kill that bloodline as you have 4 children (all own biological, I assume?). It is not my business when they (transsexual, homosexual, bisexual and even heterosexual) don't want own children. It becomes mine when they call me selfish wanting own children and accuse me indirectly for the (non-existing here in "Western" countries) population boom. They mention that as a reason, that they don't want to over-populate the world and I should show some decent solidarity by adopting children from poor families. That adopted child is ripped out of its original world and environment and friend-circle and is brought into a complete different world, e.g. when we speak of #African children.
in reply to Frank Wijnans

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

Ah, in simpler language: The enjoyable sex that is not for reproduction only but for pleasuring your partner? I'm fine with that. I just don't want to be told who I should love or else I'm called *phobic. And hey, seriously, which heterosexual man is into a biological man (trans woman)? And same with a heterosexual woman, which is into a biological woman (trans man)?
in reply to Nanook

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

Sure thing, respect each other's preferences and desires. No need to call someone *phobic.

@Hypolite Petovan Sorry that you got me wrong. I'm not insecure about my desires. I know for 100% sure what I want from life. And if others don't want to have own children, their business. Still I AM called selfish from them and that I should name 5 reasons to have own children in this world.

Reminds me of watcheing #Idiocracy ...

in reply to Hypolite Petovan

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

oh, my insecurity about #sexuality and #reproduction is weird, sure! I don't enforce on people that they should have made children in their lifes. if they don't want, let them die out.
is it weird that I exclusively date in the #heterosexual community and not #transsexual ?
is it weird that I want to lick a woman's #pussy and being sucked by her? and is it weird I want #vaginal penetration sex? maybe even #anal with her but not with gays/trans?

Roland Häder reshared this.

in reply to Frank Wijnans

friendica - Link to source

Roland Häder

Me: Of course, characteristic plays a big role when it comes to relationships in general. And a #heterosexual #relationship is never only about the #looks, that would be very shallow. It is also about who you want to have next to you and who you want to have in bed for #lovemaking, when your #sex-drive is high enough.

A friend: I think everyone is allowed to make a decision that suits them but should not judge those who think different from them.

Me: As long as they consider also the #consequences (and I have considered), all fine.

Me: I think people don't want to fear consequences of their actions, e.g. getting depressed and #STD-infected from making #porn (to much without a #condom you can find!) or having no children and nobody will say Dad! or Mom! to them.

Me: At first, you see the looks of a person, the movement and not character traits. nobody is a mind-reader. But it (looks) shall become lesser relevant later on as people grow older and older. Your beautiful girlfriend/wife won't look the same she was when you first met her. Still she is your girlfriend/wife (same with boyfriend/husband).

A friend: Some people were not meant to be parents so if they don't have children then good for them.

A friend (basically): #Chemistry also plays an important role, especially when it comes to online-dating.

This entry was edited (4 years ago)
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